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What if what you observe is not pleasant?
Self Will and Self Observation
What do you notice that has been going on in there for all these years?
What have you sorted out and taken radical responsibility for thus far?
Self-will is the thing that actually decides what you think, feel, do, and say, or decides not to do or say.
What is funny about this is that self-will can relocate itself from one Point Of Origin to a completely different Point Of Origin in your psychological interface construct, your Box.
Your Point Of Origin dictates what you are, for this moment, taking to be true, real, solid, important, and actual. Each Point Of Origin is the context for your orientation towards yourself and the circumstances around you.
What this means is that from one second to the next, a human being can say, feel, think, or do completely contradictory things depending on the Point Of Origin you stand in.
Perhaps you have observed sudden crazy perspective jumps or shifts in others?
Guess who else does makes these jumps and does not even know you are doing it?
Persistent Self Observation gradually builds a data-bank in you of neutral clues that help you to experientially distinguish and classify your various contradictory behavior patterns.
The practice at first is to build your data-bank of Self Observations. It does not matter that your Self Observations might completely exclude or contradict each other. You are not one. You are many. You are a Zoo.
After a while start looking into each databank file. This is the equivalent of peering into one of the compounds or cages in your Zoo. Eventually, as your neutral multi-dimensional descriptions accrue, you will be able to peer into a cage and give that character, or creature, a name ('creature' is the term Mary Wollstonecraft Shelly applied to the monster Dr. Frankenstein brought to life in his laboratory, as you have brought each of your Zoo characters to life...). Soon each of the inhabitants of your inner Zoo will have a distinct and appropriate name that matches its dietary preferences, it reaction patterns, or its unconscious motivations.
Then apply Self Inquiry. This is when the show gets more interesting. This is when your decision about which Point Of Origin you will stand in shifts from being unconscious to being conscious.
Independent Self Inquiry - or accompanied Self Inquiry (such as an emotional healing chairwork process during a Possibility Coaching session or a Possibility Lab) - allows you to follow each Self Will impulse from each of your creatures back to its source to find out what is really going on.
In order to track impulses to their source, the time between the impulse and your actions needs to be slowed down very much so that you can observe the connection. It does not take much to learn how to slow reactions down enough to track them. This is an especially valuable skill that goes along with Phase 1 of Feelings Work: learning how to feel.
The source of each of your various Points Of Origin is an important discovery and can completely change your relationship to yourself, to the world of others, and to what is possible for you.
For example, an entire set of behaviors - an entire personality character of one of the creatures in your Zoo, your Box - can originate in:
- an old decision
- a splintered off piece of your energetic body body
- a strategic move to disempower yourself
- an energetic block
- a false assumption
- a vow made to yourself or to others
- an interpretation of what you think something means
- a resentment, etc,
Each source point that you discover gives you the key (the weapon, the alchemical catalyst, the expanded perspective...) to heal the wound... to kill off (through bringing the structure into a transformational Phoenix Process) the neurotic Point Of Origin Place (...POOP).
In the Gurdjieff practices, the intention is to eventually experience a 'single I' as in a single identity.
In a small NOW, small HERE, and a small YOU, in the Adult Ego State, where you have your Center, Grounding Cord, and Bubble,
The word 'Ego' includes your entire Box structure with its collection of zoo of creatures, each with their unique purpose, food requirements, and survival strategies.
An 'Ego State' (such as Parent, Child, Gremlin, Adult, Archetypal, or Demon Ego State) would indicate one category of possible creature identities.
If I am observing myself, who is observing? And what is the 'self' being observed?
Who knows who is observing?
In other words, who or what observes the observer?
And what then? How is this going to help me?
Self Observing Your Self Observation
(This section is an edited excerpt from the book Conscious Feelings by Clinton Callahan.)
No matter what you observe, do not change anything. Don’t even try to change your knee-jerk reactions about making the ‘self-observation pain’ go away. Just observe the whole thing.
Trying not to move is like playing the game of Freeze! If you don’t previously agree to freeze when the captain of the game shouts “Freeze!”, then your first reaction to hearing them yell “Freeze!” is to move!
In this Experiment of self-observation, hold the intention that no matter what you observe during this observation period, you won’t do anything about it.
Not doing anything can be an extremely difficult thing to do. Don’t even carry the question around about what you could do. It is far too early for trying to make changes.
If you don’t know what you are doing to stay numb, how can you be sure if you are doing something different from that? You cannot.
Observing yourself requires consciously splitting your attention into two parts. Use half of your attention to do your normal life, and use the other half of your attention to neutrally observe what you are doing. At first you could get a bit dizzy from the simultaneous differing perspectives, but splitting your attention is normal. Remember a time when you were listening to music while riding your bicycle, thinking about what to buy at the store, chewing gum, and watching the interesting people on the sidewalk all at the same time. You can already split your attention. The only difference now is you will be splitting your attention consciously.
It helps to imagine that you are living within a box of mechanical behaviors, completely identified with the box’s behaviors as if they were your own true actions because you have no other perspective on your situation. When the box moves, you are moved by the movement. You can’t help it. You are stuck in these mechanical reactions, and may be stuck there for the rest of your life. Perhaps you know someone like this?
Self-observation is like taking a fresh set of eyes in your hand, reaching your hand out beyond the edges of your box, and twisting your hand around so that your new eyes can look back at the box from the outside. By seeing from this perspective, you easily discover that the box is no more than an assembly of mechanical reactions triggered automatically by external stimuli. Keep your arm out there and just watch what happens for a long time.
When you first hold out your hand with the eyes it gets tired within a few moments and you bring it back inside the box again, often without even knowing it. Moments, hours, or even days go by before you wake up with a start and remember what you were trying to do. You see that you are no longer splitting your attention, but you have no memory of stopping. Even at those times do not judge yourself. Or if you do judge yourself, observe the mechanicality of your self-judgment and do not judge that. When you notice your lack of self-observation, simply extend your neutral eyes out beyond the perimeter of your box again and continue observing yourself.
Lee Lozowick identifies three conditions under which to pay particular attention to observing yourself:
- When you are laughing.
- When you are praying.
- When you think nothing is going on.
Yes, especially observe yourself when you assume there is nothing special to observe.
Remain as neutral as a video camera.
You are familiar with the term second sight, having insights after the fact? During self-observation try to use first sight so you can observe what is actually happening while it happens. First sight is seeing what is as it is rather than seeing what you expect or hope to see.
Observe with a crystal-clear eye. No name-calling, no swear words, no inner vows, no self-flagellations, no justifications, no comments from the peanut gallery. Keep your opinions about your opinions to yourself. Simply notice.
As soon as you notice that you are not simply noticing, simply go back to noticing. It’s that simple.
Observe yourself for an extended period of time so you can identify repeated patterns and the circumstances that trigger them. An ‘extended period of time’ means months and months, years actually.
Observe . . .
- what you say.
- what you do.
- what you think.
- what you feel.
- your tensions.
- your intentions.
- your postures.
- your impostures.
- your accomplishments compared to what you promise.
- your sense of things.
- your incense about things.
- what offends you.
- what offends others about you.
- what in you gets fed by offending others.
- etc.
When you first begin self-observation, you may have an attention span of only a few seconds before you get knocked unconscious and fall asleep. Work to build your muscles of attention. When you can observe yourself for ten minutes without stopping, your Self-Observation has begun.
As your modus numbness becomes more and more apparent it will simultaneously become more predictable. When your own behavior becomes predictable to you it becomes dead. Only then do you gain a new freedom of movement. Your mechanical commitment to staying numb can be terminated without sentimentality, because you will not be killing something that is still regarded as being alive. It will take months of dedicated observation before you get to this point. That is not too long. The months will go by no matter what you are doing. You may as well be building your self-observation muscles.
Your Work: How to Practice Self Observation
Co-authored by Klare Heston, LICSW
You might have a range of goals in mind when setting out to observe yourself. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to go about it. Get in touch with your authentic self through meditation and self-reflection. Keep a journal to learn more about how you interact with the world and how those interactions shape who you are. Learn a new ability or improve your job performance by observing yourself on video. Whether you’re practicing meditation, keeping a journal, or watching video recordings, remember to focus on progress. If you observe something you want to change, think about how you can improve instead of just focusing on a flaw.
Method 1 - Becoming Self Aware
- CONSIDER WHO YOU'VE BECOME AND WHAT DEFINES YOU.
Over the course of our lives, we go acquire deeper levels of psychological awareness. During adolescence, we form our identities and our self-image becomes more robust. Spend time reflecting on what you’ve become, what values you hold most dear, and what your defining traits are.- Ask yourself, “What sets me apart from others? What characteristics make up my essence? What are some key life experiences that have made me who I am?”
- Examples of traits and values could include humor, honesty, or loyalty. A skill like singing or an athletic ability could be an important part of who you are.
- Remember to be open to more than just positive attributes. When you’re reflecting on who you are, be open to things about yourself that might not be the best qualities. For example, you might ask yourself, “How is my laziness or temper a part of me? How do these attributes fit into my overall being, and what do I desire to change about myself?”
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.01 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
REFLECT ON THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR IDEAL SELF AND ACTUAL SELF. Think about how you represent yourself to others, especially as you consider the attributes that make you proud and those you’d like to change.
- Ask yourself, “What are the differences between how I represent myself to others and how I perceive myself? Do I let others define me too much? How can I integrate, or unify, the ideal self that I show others and the actual self I try to keep to myself?”
- Look for the differences by questioning how you think about yourself versus how you act in person. For example, "Do I tend to present myself as flawed by constantly joking about my awkwardness or how I look?" or "Do I mislead people about what I do in my free time because I'm embarrassed about my real life?"
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.02 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
KEEP A JOURNAL TO TRACK YOUR JOURNEY OF SELF-AWARENESS. Psychologists agree that self-awareness is a dynamic, changing process. We shift between degrees of self-awareness, self-deception, and everything in between. [1] Try keeping a daily journal and write a daily self-reflection to keep a record of your journey.
- Write down a few details about your day, how you interacted with others, and recall your reactions and feelings about the day’s various happenings. You might write, for example, "Today I ran into James and we ended up having a disagreement. He said something that I thought was an underhanded way of insulting me, so I called him on it immediately. It escalated, and we ended the conversation on really bad terms."
- Choose a regular time, whether every couple weeks or once a month, to read your past entries. You might read back an entry and think or write in response, "After a couple weeks' distance, I've realized that James probably wasn't trying to offend me. Reading my entry back, I realize I probably jumped to conclusions. Observing this conversation with a little distance has given me the motivation to try to smooth things over with James."
- Try not to feel embarrassment or self-judgment when you read things you wrote, but try to be open to learning about yourself. Observe yourself taking shape with each experience. Open yourself up to being aware of how you react to various situations, how your feelings respond to interactions, and how those responses in turn shape you into the person you are.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.03 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
Method 2 - Observing Yourself Through Meditation
- PREPARE TO MEDITATE. Find a quiet place to meditate that’s free of noise and other distractions. Designate a time that you can dedicate to meditation without thinking of other tasks or necessities.
- Sit comfortably on a cushion or chair. Play soothing music or white noise sounds if it helps you free your mind. Close your eyes or leave them open, depending on whichever better helps you focus.
- Control your breathing by counting to four as you breath inward, holding for a count of two, then counting to four again as you exhale.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.04 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
PONDER YOUR BLIND SPOTS. As you put yourself in a meditative state, try to open your mind to objectively consider your blind spots. Visualize your actions and thoughts as if you were a detached observer. Open yourself to self truths you might be keeping yourself from discovering.[2]
- Ask yourself, “Do I have any unrealistic expectations of myself, or of my thoughts and actions?” As you breath, visualize your self-expectations melted away with each breath.
- As each layer of expectations melt away, imagine the self truths left behind with each passing layer of your self-representations. Ask, “What thoughts, values, and experiences are left behind as I peel away the various ways that I show myself to the world?”
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.05 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
BECOME YOUR OWN INNER WITNESS. Focus on an individual thought, emotion, or action. Try letting your mind wander, and as your mind generates random thoughts, follow them rather than react to them. Observe your own stream of consciousness as if you were an outsider looking within your mind, then guide yourself back to your silent meditation.[3]
- Ask, “What is this thought or series of thoughts, and why does my mind conjure it? What does it mean that my mind drifts into this stream of consciousness?"
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.06 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
- Ask, “What is this thought or series of thoughts, and why does my mind conjure it? What does it mean that my mind drifts into this stream of consciousness?"
CONSIDER USING A GUIDED MEDITATION APP. You might think you need to switch off your mobile device in order to meditate. However, there are several excellent mobile meditation apps available for both Android and iOS that can help guide you to a peaceful, reflective state.[4]
- The Mindfulness App, Headspace, and Calm are easy to use and have free services with additional options for per track purchases or monthly subscriptions.
- The app Smiling Mind is completely free and offers tracks divided by age group, making it a great option for children, teens, and adults.
- If you want to avoid using your mobile device or don't have one, you can also search Youtube for guided meditations that encourage mindfulness and self-reflection.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.07 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
Method 3 - Observing Yourself in Action
- USE SELF-OBSERVATION TO LEARN NEW SKILLS.
There's evidence that observing yourself on video as you learn a new motor skill provides motivation, better execution of the skill, and helps you remember how to do the skill. Further, self observation using video benefits both children and adults. [5]- Consider using a cell phone or other video recorder to observe yourself. It can help you have an easier time learning a new routine in dance class, footwork for a sport, or other physical act of coordination.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.08 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
- Consider using a cell phone or other video recorder to observe yourself. It can help you have an easier time learning a new routine in dance class, footwork for a sport, or other physical act of coordination.
RECORD YOURSELF DOING YOUR JOB.
In addition to learning new activities, you can use self observation to improve your job performance. For example, it's been shown that observing video of themselves at work had positive effects on teachers' professional development.[6]- Similarly, evidence suggests that video recording helps nurses and student nurses master clinical skills and improve patient interactions.[7]
- Filming yourself works by taking you out of the situation and letting you observe. You'll be able to notice more as an observer, which can help you overcome the tendency to self-criticize.
- Since cell phones and computers with built-in webcams have made video recording so universal, you can easily apply these findings to your own life. Record yourself doing your job to promote your own professional development. If you have to make a speech or presentation, record yourself and look for parts of your public speaking performance that need a little work.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.09 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
FOCUS ON PROGRESS WHEN PRACTICING SELF-OBSERVATION.
Successes and failures are central to self observation, whether you’re practicing meditation, keeping a journal, or recording yourself giving a presentation. Cognitive behaviorists and psychologists agree that focusing on accomplishments when observing or monitoring yourself generates more accomplishments.- In other words, recognizing your progress motivates you to keep succeeding. Emphasizing failures decreases motivation and lowers the chances of future progress.
- Stay positive when practicing self observation and focus on how you can improve yourself instead of things you don’t like! When observing your own flaws and failures, look for potential causes and changes you can make instead of just getting discouraged.
- For example, you might read a past journal entry and think, “Gosh, I really overreacted and lost my temper for no reason,” or you might have noticed in a video recording that you kept missing a step in a dance routine. Try not to focus on what you did wrong, but think of ways you can improve your temper or nail that dance step.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.10 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
- CONSIDER WHO YOU'VE BECOME AND WHAT DEFINES YOU.
More Experiments
SELF-OBSERVE BY NOT CHANGING ANYTHING
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.11
Through asking yourself questions and through requesting Feedback from your friends, you may get views of yourself that don’t match your long-held or most preferred self-image.
The discrepancy between the way you imagine yourself to be and the way you are perceived by others could be vast. The shock of realizing this may be equally disconcerting, and may propel you toward wanting to take immediate actions to rectify the situation.
For this experiment:
- Decide on 10 questions and write them down. Questions like:
- Which qualities of my Being stand out most?
- How do I stop intimacy from happening?
- In which ways am I not present with others?
- What is the Nonmaterial Value that I bring into this world?
- To which extent am I stopping myself from bringing this into the world?
- What messes do I create?
- What messes do I create without cleaning them up?
- What is it that everybody sees about me that I do not?
- What is it that I ignore?
- Ask yourself these 10 questions and write down your answers. For the rest of the week, observe yourself with these 10 questions in mind.
- Find 10 people to ask your 10 questions. Find a variation of people. Do not only talk to the family on your mother's side. Include people that know you in different situations.
Have these people tell you their answers while you record them, and write their answers down. Encourage them to be real with you and to speak even if they do not know what they will be saying. Let them know their Feedback is valuable to you. - Notice any reactions in you of wanting to change things right now. The invitation is to try not to change anything. Do not even try to change your knee-jerk reactions about making the pain go away. Just observe the whole thing. In this game of self-observation, hold the intention that no matter what you observe during this observation period, you will not do anything about it.
- For one month, be with your findings and do not change anything about it.
- Write an article or give a Worktalk about what you learned from observing without doing anything about it.
Not doing anything can be an extremely difficult thing to do. Do not even carry the question around about what you could do. It is far too early for trying to make changes. The strategy right now is to not make changes.
If you do not know what you are doing to stay numb, how could you know if you are doing something different from that? You can not.After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.11 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 3 Matrix Points.
SELF-OBSERVE BY SPLITTING YOUR ATTENTION AND OBSERVING YOUR BOX
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.12
Observing yourself requires consciously Splitting Your Attention into two parts. For 3 weeks, use half of your attention to do your normal life, and use the other half of your attention to neutrally observe what you are doing.
At first you could get a bit dizzy from the simultaneous differing perspectives, but splitting your attention is normal. Remember a time when you were listening to an MP3 player while riding your bicycle, thinking about what to buy at the store, chewing gum, and watching the interesting people on the sidewalk all at the same time? You can already split your attention. The only difference now is you will be splitting your attention consciously.
It helps to imagine that you are living within a Box of mechanical behaviors, completely identified with the Box’s behaviors as if they were your own true actions because you have no other perspective on your situation. When the Box moves, you are moved by the movement. You cannot help it. You are stuck in these mechanical reactions, and may be stuck there for the rest of your life. Perhaps you know someone like this?
Self-observation is like taking a fresh set of eyes in your hand, reaching your hand out beyond the edges of your Box, and twisting your hand around so that your new eyes can look back at the Box from the outside. By seeing from this perspective, you easily discover that the Box is no more than an assembly of mechanical reactions triggered automatically by external stimuli. Keep your arm out there and just watch what happens for a long time.
When you first hold out your hand with the eyes it gets tired within a few moments and you bring it back inside the Box again, often without even knowing it. Moments, hours, or even days go by before you wake up with a start and remember what you were trying to do. You see that you are no longer splitting your attention, but you have no memory of stopping. Even at those times do not judge yourself. Or if you do judge yourself, observe the mechanicality of your self-judgment and do not judge that. When you notice your lack of self-observation, simply extend your neutral eyes out beyond the perimeter of your Box again and continue observing yourself.
- For 3 weeks, split your attention to constantly neutrally observe yourself from outside your Box, while you are doing stuff.
Observe your automatic reactions. Notice the position you are sitting in. Notice how far or how close you chose to sit from other people. Notice the state of your room - how messy or how clean and orderly it is. Which objects it contains. The amount of objects, their qualities, colours. What do they say? What do they say about your Box? Notice in what transportation means you find yourself. Are you on a bus, in your expensive car, on a hitch hike? What does this say about your Box? Notice what classes you are taking. None? Or are you taking artistic ones, intellectual ones, organisational ones? Are you taking classes that are up your alley or that are stretching your Edge? Are you doing things to feel elegant? Or to feel cool? What are your Box's preferences? How is it built? - In your Beep!Book, take note of what you observe and what this says about your Box. Other people are not doing the same things as you are, so it says something.
- Make a list of at least 35 things that you noticed about your Box by Splitting Your Attention.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.12 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 4 Matrix Points.
SELF-OBSERVE BY PAYING SPECIAL ATTENTION.
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.13
Here are three conditions under which to pay particular attention to observing yourself:
- When you are laughing.
- When you are praying, meditating, or sitting
- When you think nothing is going on. Especially observe yourself when you assume there is nothing special to observe.
Are you familiar with the term second sight, having insights after the fact? During self-observation try to use first sight so you can observe what is actually happening while it happens. First sight is seeing what is, as it is, rather than seeing what you expect or hope to see.
Observe with a crystal clear eye. No name-calling, no swear words, no inner vows, no self-flagellations, no justifications, no comments from the peanut gallery. Keep your opinions about your opinions to yourself. Simply notice.
For 1 week, as soon as you notice that you are not simply Noticing, simply go back to noticing. It’s that simple.After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.13 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
SELF-OBSERVE BY BUILDING YOUR ATTENTION MUSCLES.
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.14
When you first begin self-observation you may have an attention span of only a few seconds before you get knocked unconscious and fall asleep. Work to build your muscles of Attention.
As your Numbness mode becomes more and more apparent, it will simultaneously become more predictable. When your own behavior becomes predictable to you, it can be seen as dead. Only then do you gain a new freedom of movement. Your mechanical commitment to staying Numb can be avoided without sentimentality, because you will not be killing something that is still regarded as being alive.
It will take months of dedicated observation before you get to this point. That is not too long. The months will go by no matter what you are doing. You may as well be building your Attention muscles.Observe yourself for an extended period of time so you can identify repeated patterns and the circumstances that trigger them. An extended period of time means months and months, years actually.
Observe . . .
- what you say.
- what you do.
- what you think.
- what you feel.
- your tensions.
- your intentions.
- your postures.
- your impostures.
- your accomplishments compared to what you promise.
- your sense of things.
- your insense about things.
- what offends you.
- what offends others about you.
- what in you gets fed by offending others.
- ...
- For this experiment, write 'End of Observation Experiment' on the date 7 months from now into your calendar. You will most probably keep observing after that, but the purpose is for this to be a focused Experiment with a beginning and an end.
- Observe. When there are tensions, observe that there are tensions. When you say something, observe that you are saying something. Be the Observer on your own shoulder.
- During the day and at the end of the day, take notes of things that are meaningful because they were repetitive. Also notice what circumstances triggered them.
- After 7 months, make a Hall of Fame list of your most famous, repetitive patterns.
- Organise a dinner for your friends to celebrate your Experiment.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.14 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 10 Matrix Points.SELF-OBSERVE BY ARGUING WITH YOUR SELF-OBSERVATION
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.15
Write a dialogue script in your Beep!Book between the different Parts of yourself.
Part 1 says:
I observe this__.
Part 2 says:
That's horrible! That is so unconscious. How are you going to change this? This cannot stay this way.The Child says:
Oh no, but I don't know how to do that. Ouch. Now my heart hurts. I feel alone. What should I do? This is really difficult. Help me..
The Moralistic Parent says:You shouldn't be talking like that. You are whining. This is stupid. Nobody is going to want to help you like that. This is disgraceful. Stop doing that. Right now.
The Brave Justice Saviour Hero on a Galloping Horse says:
Hey, but wait a minute! You can't talk to yourself like that. That is not cool. That is not okay. You stop that right now.
The Child says:Yes! You hurt me. It's your fault I'm I'm not good at anything. Poor me. I have suffered so much in life so far. It really sucks.
Self-Observation says:
Hey, guys, take it easy. Self-Observation is supposed to be neutral.
All say:
What! So you're telling us we're doing this all wrong? Shut up dude! We didn't ask you anything.
Write down 5 pages of dialogue, without judging what you see. If you do judge it, then write down what the Judge says, and do not judge that. And if you do judge the Judge, then write down what the Judge's Judge says and do not judge that. Keep going until you stop judging parts of yourself.Take your 5 pages of dialogue to your Possibility Team and act it out in front of them.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.15 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 2 Matrix Points.
SELF-OBSERVE BY DISCOVERING THAT SELF-OBSERVATION IS NON-JUDGMENTAL.
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.16
For a minimum of 1 hour and a maximum of 2 hours, lay on your bed. For this period of time, your job is to Notice.
- Notice the critical, judgemental stories, voices, statements.
- Distinguish the judgement from the thing in you that Notices. Turn around your perspective so you see that there is a thing in you that is noticing. Have an experiential distinction between what Notices and what judges.
- For the rest of the experiment use what Notices and not what judges.
After completing this experiment, please register SELFOBSE.16 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
SELF-OBSERVE BY CLEANING UP DODGE CITY
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.17
- For a whole day, observe yourself like your mother observes you. It can be your mother, your teacher, or somebody else who often is or was irritated and disappointed by you.
Observe all the observations they would make of you, whatever the critical observations they would make. Observe yourself through their eyes. Observe how their observations are neurotic, critical, and how the only purpose is to try to manipulate you back into not being a nuisance for them, whatever that means for them, or that at least they do not look bad because of you.
- Adamantly write down how they criticise you. After you do that 3 x 15 minutes, check those criticisms that they made of you, and compare them to the vampire voices that you have. Notice that you can shoot all of these voices, using your Voice Blaster.
- Shoot at the Voices. Shoot out at the "I'm not okay" Carell. Make a video of yourself shooting a few of your most important ones.
After completing this experiment, please upload a link to your video and register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.17 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 2 Matrix Points.
SELF-OBSERVE BY OBSERVING YOUR EMOTIONS.
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.18
This experiment is to self-observe the connection between your Emotions and your Gremlin, and your Emotions and your Physical Body.
In a two hour self-observation, you lay on your bed with no distractions, and observe your emotional body.
Observe with utter clarity if what you are feeling is mad, sad, glad or scared. You watch: is this a feeling or is this an emotion? If it is an emotion, which Ego State does it come from and what is its Purpose? Write down the emotions you find for doing emotional healing processes.
Observe how much your emotional body is alive, and how its fabric is mostly made out of emotions. Observe them neutrally. Emotions are not bad. They just are. They are just emotions.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.18 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
SELF-OBSERVE BY DOING ALIEN OBSERVATION
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.19
For the next week, use a clicker to fabricate a parallel observer that is not from this planet. It goes with you, it observes and asks questions. Questions like:
What is this about? Why is it like that?Why is it like this here? What is the purpose or benefit?
Why do you have square buildings?
Why are you wearing shoes?
What is the point of talking to people you do not know?
Why do you care so much about money?
For the whole week, make notes in your Beep!Book of the questions that the Alien has. From the Alien perspective, none of it makes sense at all.
To answer the questions, you write down the answers that you are unconsciously living in. It is not about justifying what is going on. It is about explaining the meaning. Notice the story world and write it down. Why do you have to go other places, drive around? Why do you drink hot drinks? Why do you want to impress this person? Neutrally explain why it is done this way and why it is believed to be necessary here on Earth.
After a week, say goodbye to your Alien friend - unless you became such friends you want to have them over for longer. Notice what the world looks like now.After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.19 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
SELF-OBSERVE BY OBSERVING YOUR STORIES
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.20
Create the muscle to create a gap between you and your stories. For three days, your job is to observe the stories you make about yourself when you are cooking, brushing your teeth, working, having a conversation with the baker, making a decision, walking to the bus stop, etc.
Write down any stories in your Beep!Book that comes up more than twice. Non-judgemental. This is the story world, the film, the movie that you live in about yourself.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.20 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Points.SELF-OBSERVE BY OBSERVING YOUR POSTURE
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.21
Go for a 5 minute walk near where you live. Walk with a crooked back, limp around, walk with your body and arms hanging. Observe in you what stories happen about yourself, observe where you walk to, observe what is happening around you, observe how you feel.
Go through another 5-10 minutes of walking with the most upright posture, looking around. Again, notice which stories come up. Notice where you walk to, observe what is happening around you, observe how you feel.
Observe your level of presence according to your physical posture.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.21 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
SELF-OBSERVE BY OBSERVING YOUR GREMLIN
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.22
Observe your Gremlin talking to you.
Stretch your arms and keep them stretched for 20 minutes. For no reason. Observe what kind of sentences your Gremlin says to stop the discomfort. What is the next one? And the next one?
See how creative your Gremlin is to stop your commitment. Look at the sentences that come up. They are the sentences you have given your life away to.
Write down the sentences. Take a picture of them and upload them as proof.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.22 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
SELF-OBSERVE BY OBSERVING THE ENERGETICS OF THE SPACE
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.23
For 3 days, self-observe the gestures you make with your physical body. List them. Notice what those gestures tell you about energetic structures and things that happen in your space. What do they tell you about assumptions, expectations, conclusions, belief systems, cultural taboos, cultural imperatives, and inner constructs.
Sometimes people put up their hand. Sometimes people look at you without moving their head. What for? What is that about?
Sometimes you duck. Or you step back. What is it that you're stepping back from? If you wrinkle your nose, what are you wrinkling your nose about?
Write down everything you see and what it told you. Sense how it is live in the world with the awareness of the energetics of the space.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.23 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
SELF-OBSERVE BY OBSERVING THE OBSERVER
Matrix Code SELFOBSE.24
Split your attention. Use your clicker, that helps sometimes. What you do is have part of your attention looking back at you and observe yourself. Split another part of your attention to observe the observer part.
Notice what the first observer observes. Depending on the Part in you that is doing that observing, there will be different observations for you to observe.
Observe: What is your first observer noticing? What is it looking out for and what is it not seeing? What is it finding evidence for? Which stories is it creating? In which way is it judgmental? What does it enjoy? What is the orientation of your first observer? What is its slant? How is it 'politicized'?
Take notes of what you see in your Beep!Book. Which Parts of you are doing the observing? Which Identities are you observing from? Which Ego States? Are you observing that you are observing from your Adult Ego State, your Child Ego State, your Gremlin Ego State?By observing the Part you that are observing from, you create a Gap between you and the Part you are identified with. This creates freedom of movement.
For one week, observe yourself during one hour each day and write down what you observe. The second observer is noticing for all 5 Bodies. Sometimes the 1st level of observation has a preference for specific body. The 2nd observer reports back.After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code SELFOBSE.24 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
- Decide on 10 questions and write them down. Questions like: